some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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