Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You're a waste of cheezeits
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
