Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
