You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
