direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
