No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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