haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
