i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I wear drunk well.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
