just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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