I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Me too!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He shit in the fireplace
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
