like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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