In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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