Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
