What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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