How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
