Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
