its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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