just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
