I wanna bring you to show and tell
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Randomize
