the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
