thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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