I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
