I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
