Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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