If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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