There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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