some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
