I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
