Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
