Is it normal to miss your booty call?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
