My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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