Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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