Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
