I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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