I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
