I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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