please come you make the beer taste better
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
