when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I need moral support for this bender
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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