Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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