Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
