She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
