I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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