apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
