We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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