Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
