oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
