Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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