found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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