the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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