this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
