I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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